Matthew

I made this mini blanket on February 26th as I sat in a hospital bed waiting for induction drugs to do their work. My original due date was August 10th, and as it approached, I (we) ached with the emptiness of no one coming, nothing happening on that day or anytime.

I saw my little boy. Covered his tiny body with this blanket. Recognized legs just like Pierce's. He was familiar. So clearly ours. Such a strange thing to meet your baby when he is already gone. What do you do with all the love you have for him when he is not there?

We named him. Matthew. Jaret's great grandpa's name, meaning 'gift from God'. We took pictures, something we could hardly stand to do, but that have become treasures to me. Knitted this blanket for him-the most intentional, physical act I ever got to do for him. And I write to acknowledge his life and remember.