Recovery Part 5. Book Review.

Have you ever noticed that I'm not super great at being concise? So this review of the book should be pretty much like reading it yourself. :) Just kidding. If this title tugs at you, it is way better than I can summarize.

This author had previously written "Total Forgiveness" and "How to Forgive Ourselves-Totally". A friend told him that he should write a book called, "Totally Forgiving God". He said he was ashamed that his first thought was, "What will the critics think", but the idea stuck with him. He usually wrote books in weeks or months, but this one took five years. He wanted to be sure about what he said due to the gravity of the topic.

He asserts from the very beginning that God is not actually guilty of wrong doing. But there are times and circumstances when we may feel betrayed by him. We feel betrayed, but we aren't betrayed. The beauty of this book for me is that the author has felt betrayed by God in the past, and so he is not speaking down at the readers. He clearly understands the pain. BUT, he has found something beyond the pain, and so the pages are filled with hope.

Here are some of the points that have been especially helpful to me:

• Someday God will clear His name. We don't know when, or how, or why it is delayed, but there is coming a time when He will. It will be complete and convincing. The author said that when that day comes, he wants to have already let God off the hook. 
• Breaking the "betrayal barrier". He speaks of how some of us may feel betrayed by God at some point in life. He urges us to work to break the barrier. He also notes that in all his pastoring, he sees very few people who do. He believes that most people give up too soon. He says, "It comes by not giving up, persisting in faith despite all the odds being against you."
• It's God's idea that we break the betrayal barrier. God often plays hard to get. He puts obstacles in our way when we are most determined to obey Him. But the author encourages, "the next time things go terribly wrong and God hides His face from you, press on all the more. Don't give up. The breakthrough will come and is worth waiting for."
• Another aspect of moving forward is recognizing how God's silence in response to our questions is out of His love for us. It leaves room for faith. He talks about how salvation comes through faith, and so having the chance to exercise faith is God's goodness to a world in need. Someday the chance to have faith will be gone.
• Another section is entitled "The Way He Is". It talks about God and his attributes, but then goes into His 'idiosyncrasies.' He says that letting God off the hook is not only about what He does and doesn't do, but also for being the kind of God He is. Some of these traits are:
• He hides Himself without warning
• He shows up at the last minute
• He doesn't often work the same way twice
• He favors the underdog
• Satan hates God and wants to make him look bad. When we are tempted to think bad of God, (ex: "how can I love someone so mean..." see here) Satan is working extra hard on us, and we are coming close to giving him some of his greatest satisfaction. 

My response to these things:

• I truly do believe He is able to clear His name. And so I choose to let Him off the hook for the pain He allows and the things that make no sense. (This will probably be an ongoing activity.) This section was done so well for me and my personality. I think this kind of material is often presented with very tight theology or in a way where every question is a little too neatly nailed down. He did not try to make it make sense. He simply asserted that God is completely able to clear His name and will do it someday in a way that leaves no questions.
• I am persisting!! He cannot get rid of me!!! (ha-I know that is exactly opposite of what He is actually trying to do, but sometimes I'm a feisty girl.) 
• I want to honor God with my faith, because-once again-no matter how hurt I feel, ultimately I believe He is blameless and only everything good.
• The way He is. As I read this section, I was just FILLED with feelings of love for Him. It was how I feel when I think about Jaret, who has his own idiosyncrasies. But I love them both FOR them. (Well, I'm not so fond of how either of them can seem distant from me at times, but maybe I will be thankful for even that someday.)
• I have no interest in giving Satan satisfaction. Good head's up.

So my wound is not feeling so fresh. It feels like it's got a nice scab on it at the moment. Praying it is the foundation for a deeper peace in the future.