Anticipation
I realize as I begin writing that this time of year may not typically yield the most uplifting posts for me. I'll blame winter. Sadly, this one may line up a bit with history. :) :(
So, Anticipation. I'm realizing I don't like it. I know that may sound really weird, and I probably am just weird. When we're getting ready to go on a trip, I never look forward to it. Not that I'm not happy that I'm going, just that I'm living and content (usually) in the moment, and I'm not thinking ahead to the trip.
I know lots of people are fueled by upcoming events. My husband is one of them. When a trip is over, he feels let down unless there's something else coming, which I think seems logical.
However, I've realized recently that not only do I not really anticipate things, at least in some cases, I hate the anticipation of things. Anticipating this baby is what I'm dealing with right now. I don't like knowing there's this big change coming, but not really knowing what the changes will be.
This is child #4, so I have some clues. Usually I think about the potential changes when I'm going crazy with mothering 3, and I wonder how adding another is going to affect things. My best guess is that the most likely outcome isn't that I'm going to be a more exemplary parent, housekeeper or wife. :(
So I end up just wishing it was here or that I didn't know that it was coming.
I know ultimately I need to just keep my mind in the present as much as possible, even though I know a big event is on the way. Just wish that was easier for me to do...
So, Anticipation. I'm realizing I don't like it. I know that may sound really weird, and I probably am just weird. When we're getting ready to go on a trip, I never look forward to it. Not that I'm not happy that I'm going, just that I'm living and content (usually) in the moment, and I'm not thinking ahead to the trip.
I know lots of people are fueled by upcoming events. My husband is one of them. When a trip is over, he feels let down unless there's something else coming, which I think seems logical.
However, I've realized recently that not only do I not really anticipate things, at least in some cases, I hate the anticipation of things. Anticipating this baby is what I'm dealing with right now. I don't like knowing there's this big change coming, but not really knowing what the changes will be.
This is child #4, so I have some clues. Usually I think about the potential changes when I'm going crazy with mothering 3, and I wonder how adding another is going to affect things. My best guess is that the most likely outcome isn't that I'm going to be a more exemplary parent, housekeeper or wife. :(
So I end up just wishing it was here or that I didn't know that it was coming.
I know ultimately I need to just keep my mind in the present as much as possible, even though I know a big event is on the way. Just wish that was easier for me to do...
Comments
Love you lots!!!
Our husbands are definitely the exact same with anticipation especially involving trips; we are not even home from the current trip we are on/enjoying before Arlan feels like he needs to plan another one or feels like he doesn't have much to look forward to...no clues on how to translate that to baby advice however!
Your 3 kiddos now are such fun-loving kids and I'm sure there are days when you or them or both want to pull each other's hair out, but rest assured as the older 2 grown up, they will/might become the help you've always envisioned :)
Happy Friday-Katie